Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
