At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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