Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
