You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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