you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
