whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
