He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
