can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
two words...techno handjob
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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