if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize