WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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