Quick, to the slutcave!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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