well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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