That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
