I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm going to jail i love you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
