Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
