I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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