Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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