I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
