You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize