How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
