I think my vagina is haunted
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
time to smoke my breakfast
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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