This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
did you just send me my own nude
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
