i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
