BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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