I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
