Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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