She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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