What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
