My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
