Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
