our cab driver is having phone sex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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