wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
