I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
