i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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