Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
