Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so let's talk penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
