I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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