im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
COCAINE IS GR8
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
