She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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