Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize