I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
