wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
