the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize