what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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