We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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