OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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