Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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