After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
