I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize