I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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