So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
