thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
