Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
