my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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