we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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