all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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