She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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