i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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