the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize