ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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