Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize