I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
