There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
