Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
