It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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