Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
