so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
