Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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