i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize